Chapter 18: “What Is Dead May Never Die”

Season Covered: Fall 1906

At this point, Turkey has confirmed that two players (Germany and Russia) are teenagers. I can’t believe this, and it impacts my play a bit, as I don’t want to lie to teenagers. I also don’t want to tell any more off-color jokes. It messes with my head. I may have to lie to Russia to survive this turn. Also, my posts have been a little racy. I would have never done this had I known there were teenagers involved. I have kids, and I am a tad embarrassed. Jesus, the crass jokes I’ve made. Those have to stop.

In another disappointing development, I could not negotiate on this critical day because of work obligations. By the time I make it to my computer, Germany is asleep. Russia’s offline as well. At least that takes care of the teenage problem for now.

My main goal here is to get a dot. I lost Sweden. To prevent a disband, I have to grab something. The only options are Sweden or St. Petersburg.

Immediately after the moves process, I reach out to Austria and continue to work that diplomatic angle.

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After retreats occur, Austria reaches out to me.

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Note: A lie. I do nothing and had no intention of doing anything. Austria reaches out again.

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Austria, of course, fails to mention who would be number one and who would be number two.

Meanwhile, I am considering France’s earlier suggestion to work together. At the time, I thought it was half-hearted and I did not buy it. Now, as I look at the board more without emotion, I think it may have been genuine. When he pings me back, I press him for detail:

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A note now about Germany 2. He’s seven hours ahead of me. It makes it hard to coordinate moves. Also, English is his second language, which is impressive to me since I have no second language. I sure as hell could not play this game in a foreign language. Nevertheless, it is another factor in our complicated relationship.

Turkey reminded me at one point that I told him I would broadcast some appropriate clips if he made a big move. It seemed appropriate. I throw in a bunch from Top Gun, Vision Quest, Rudy, and Bull Durham.

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In private press, Turkey tells me he likes the clips.

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Italy reaches out and tells me all about him and France, and him and Austria. Nothing shocking, but I don’t think Italy does things like that, and I was flattered. He told me he sold himself to France to survive. Understood:

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I go to bed with no idea what to do. Because I don’t know Russia’s moves, I don't know if I can take St. Petersburg. I think about taking Sweden if I can. I don’t know what to do.

First, I reach out to Russia.

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Germany wakes up while I’m about to go to sleep and we work on solidifying things. Things look good for me to take St. Petersburg, but I don’t want to lose Norway.

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After France pings me a couple of times, and after waffling a bit, I tell him that I’m not going to stab Germany, hoping I will earn some credibility with him in the future.

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Germany and I get to work:

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Finally, I cajole Russia into telling me what he's going to do. I lie again while I’m at a ceremony for kids. I feel awful, but I have to get a dot back.

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Back to working with Germany:

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I quickly ping Germany to tell him not to fall for any disinformation, but I don’t really know what he’s doing.

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At the last second I decide to take some risks and make a few educated guesses about France. I change back and forth and back and forth. I actually, at the very last second, enter an order that was not processed (thankfully). My original guess turned out well.

When the moves arrive, everything works out exactly as I had hoped. Germany did not tell me he would misorder beforehand, but he confirmed it afterwards.

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Alliance is set.

I take St. Petersburg and have no disbands to make. Russia loses three supply centers. Italy is eliminated, meaning only six players remain, and more importantly, I was not the first out.

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I write a conciliatory note to Russia after he reaches out humorously. He seemingly took it well, but he’s just a kid. I don’t want this game to hurt him. I did what I had to do as a game move, not because I disliked him.

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I prepare bonus clips in a press as a tribute to Italy from the movie "Real Genius," which is a great movie. Turkey responds saying France is like Littlefinger, and I find it hilariously accurate.